hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
even my farts smell like vagina
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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