Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
