I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
