By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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