Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
