I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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