Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
