All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
