And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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