I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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