dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
