i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
