do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
