we made out on top of his cat.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
