3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
D3 body, D1 cock
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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