dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
