I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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