Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
