did you get engaged???
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
