halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
