i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
