My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
