Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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