Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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