I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
