i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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