Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
