Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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