I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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