At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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