Sry I called you an 8
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
