That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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