then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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