i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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