I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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