He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just found a bag of teeth...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
