How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
