i just made my gag reflex go away.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
