Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
