Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
