I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
