He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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