Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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