When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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