I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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