Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
