Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
