He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
