Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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