i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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