Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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