Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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