Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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