Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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