I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
